weird dreams

I had wanted to be a dentist growing up, but then it occurred to me that I was afraid of the dentist. Why would I want to be something I was afraid of?

I tried my best to avoid them. I brushed my teeth three times a day, including rinsing and flossing. The problem was that I had not seen a dentist in three years, even after the old fillings I had fell out and my teeth hurt constantly.

My mother decided it was time I went to see a dentist. I truly didn’t want to go despite everything that was going wrong with my mouth. Surely brushing, flossing and rinsing would be enough, right?


I went in to see the dentist and discovered that the reason my teeth were breaking apart and my gums were bleeding were not from the rough brushing and excessive string through my teeth, but that my gums were rotting. Just one lost filling had allowed bacteria to enter my tooth and somehow spread to the rest of my teeth. I would have seven root canals along with other dental workings. So we scheduled an appointment with them.

So much went on that first day. I had x-rays taken several different times. There was constant drilling throughout the time I was in the chair. I was there for nearly five hours, and that was all on my three front teeth. The whole time I wondered what they were doing to my women’s new balance and how my smile was going to turn out. I took pride in my smile.

Finally there was a break for my teeth as the dentist went into another room to make some kind of mold. I managed to steal a glimpse in the wall mirror they had in the corner of the room and was mortified. Three of my front teeth had been chipped away to almost nothing. I could feel my heart sink. His drill looked like the tattoo gun my uncle had. It grossed me out.

Good-bye smile.

The dentist wore his reebok sneakers back in, his expensive watch shined, he sat me back in the chair and continued to work on me a little more. They attached something to the morsels that remained in my mouth. When the dentist lifted up his sunglasses for me to see his work, I didn’t want to, but I did.

In the mirror were not the nasty remains of my teeth, but the beautiful whites of my fake ones.

I had my smile again.

my celebration

Today is mine and Victor’s three year anniversary.

I’m surprised we reached this long in our relationship despite the problems we have been having. Lately Victor has been working more and more, leaving only a few hours a week to see one another. Heck, he even had to work today, which pissed me off. We didn’t get to see one another until six at night. It was after I turned on the garage heater. His father’s is his damn boss, can’t he ask for this one day off?

We went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. On the way there, his his radar detector was beeping. The place was crowded, so we sat down in their waiting area. I would have tried to call ahead if Victor had gotten the day off and we knew what time we would be seeing one another. As we waited, an elderly woman walked in to see the benches crowded. No one got up for her, except me. I gave her my seat which she took appreciatively.

We were finally seated at a table in front of a plasma television on one side and their security camera before given menus. I had decided to go back on the pill for this special occasion and the effects of it were messing with my appetite. All I wanted to eat was something spicy, so I ordered spicy pasta, which they were out of. I had to order something else. Luckily though, the food was delicious.

After dinner, we went to out “place”; the lot behind an Ashley’s furniture store. We took this opportunity to test out my birth control. I would be lying if I didn’t say ?it? wasn’t nice, but in the middle our love making, I wanted to cry. Something inside told me that this would be the last time we would be like this.

We never made it to our four year anniversary.